I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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