I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
