So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
