also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My life is pants optional.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
