does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
