Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
