i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
