I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
