Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
