I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
