I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Someone shattered a urinal.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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