Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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