...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
