I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Randomize
