would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
