moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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