I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
