Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Your mouth is God's brothel.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
