Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
