shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
