Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
