so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
