If that was your dad, he is hot
My underwear smells like fireworks.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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