I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
