ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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