he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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