she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
