I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
