If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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