the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You've changed since you got that strap on
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
