Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
