I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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