Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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