well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
