I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
