I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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