Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
