I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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