I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize