and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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