I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
