I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
