I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
