my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
