dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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