I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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