someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
