So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
