420 ftw
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
