I wish I could punch you in the face.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
