he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
