We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
