HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Semen is not good for contacts.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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