Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
