its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
