Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
