I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
