The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
