If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
