Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
