ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
