umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just googled if crying burns calories
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize