I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
