Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
