Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
as a side note pls kill me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
