Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
