well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I stole a fireplace last night.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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