Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
