I just pynch a tree in the face
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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