I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
