I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
